Between faith and nafs

Salam alaik and helloooooo everyone!
It's pretty awhile i haven't updated my blog and ahhhhh i miss it so bad! Life has been great so far except those time in ASPI. Just god how hectic it had been and Alhamdulillah, my semester 1 has ended! (yep, u could tell that im in the midst of holidays) Yahuuuuuu.

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So, last night, two person had asked me to be their partner during Gala night in the next semester, one i a girl and one is a boy. The girl had asked me during semester one to be her partner as we were having the same thought of theme that we would like to choose - Yes, it's HINDUSTANNNNN! Gosh. Their outfit that full of blinks and gorgeous beads made me go crazy seriously hahah. So yeah, basically i said to the girl that i would love to be her partner since i don't have anyone yet in my mind so far. But, we haven't make the deal yet that moment since i'm scared that i couldn't afford the punjabi suit/sarees.

So she asked me again yesterday's morning and i decided to say yes since again, i don't have anyone in my mind to be my partner. Suddenly at night,there was this one guy that approached me and asked me to be his partner. Yezzaaaaaa, i was so speechless and i could feel the awkwardness in the air. I didn't know how to reply and i only said to him that he was too late since i already pairing up with a girl (which happened to be one of his close friend hahah). He even said that he would willing to 'kowtim' with the girl so that he could replace her and be my partner.Well, as a girl, and a first-timer to attend a Gala dinner, i'd be lying if i didn't have any thought on having a partner from the opposite gender and his offer really excites me. Somehow, it felt like my nafs strongly hoping for it. BUTTT, IT DIDN'T WORK THAT WAY FOR ME. It's about my faith and how i represent myself as a muslim women. Eventhough some would say, it's only for Gala Night and being someone's partner doesn't mean you are his special friend or what not, but then it seems to be a big matter to me. It is as if i'm giving a false hope to someone's heart which I believe it isn't a wise thing to be done at all. And as a muslim women, i believe that it is important for me to prevent myself from involving in Maksiat.

So you wanna say that having a guy as your partner is a sin?

Noooooooo. That isn't what i mean. It just make me uncomfortable and i believe being conservative is sometimes needed in such cases and situations. What i meant by preventing myself from maksiat is that i'm trying my best to keep my faith in track by not involving myself in a thing that made me lagha. My heart is sooooo easily captivated with human's charms in which I scared that it might lead me to haram stuff like couple and whatnot. Nauzubillah min zalik.

It is the battle between to choose the faith or the nafs. My nafs would say yes to the guy's offer yet my faith strongly against it. Accepting the his offer is the best decision to be done indeed. -well, atleast for me. I need to bear in mind about the limit between men and women. I believe that Allah will reward me with someone better Insyaallah.

Somehow, i also see it as a test from Allah. To test my heart, my stance and my faith. Eventhough my faith is a bit shaky at first, yet, I am so grateful that Allah safe me from accepting the guy. It is indeed a hard decision and I hope he would not get offended.
Well, i'd rather loose a man than my Lord. After all, He know me better than any other human does. It is more than enough if i could win Allah's love. May Allah grant me and everyone his ultimate love, Insyaallah! :)