Midnight rant: Why do I write?

Assalamualaikum and hi everyone, and oh SELAMAT HARI RAYAAAA! 🙌

I don’t know where shall i begin, the awkwardness is still in the air, it has been almost one year this blog received its title as a deserted blog (sorry dear blog)

To be honest, a lot had happened, time flies, people come and go, oneself has changed, but remember, memories remain the same heee. (duh stop the nonsense). Believe it or not, despite how much I hate getting into ASASI Pintar at the very first place, but, I managed to survive, yep, you may call me an Aspi survivor now, cewah. ASPI was indeed such an unpredictable place and destiny that I have never dreamt of. I thought it was the worst thing that ever happened to me, yet, now I felt that it was more likely to be such a blessing in disguise. So many wonderful things happened as time passed that they were all those precious things which I couldn’t be more than grateful to have- friends, lecturers, my kurti girls (and food hunting perhaps?). 

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“Najjah, did u quite blogging? write lah so more. Who knows one day all those posts can be compiled in a book.”

I was actually quite shocked to hear what had just been uttered by my mom's mouth. Like seriously, DID SHE READ MY BLOG ALL THESE WHILE?😱 A flash of image of my blog quickly filled up my mind urging it to immediately recall what I have written, hoping that none of them were those things that my mom should not have known haha. 

Through out my years as a blogger, I never thought that I actually will ever have my own readers, u know kadang rasa syok sendiri je sebenarnya haha. I did my blog for fun and solely for the sake to improve my english (that’s literally why I was being lazy to update my blog since I thought i’ve learned enough lol). Plus, my blog is just like a diary (though I actually own one), a place where I can express my feelings and I gain my freedom of speech and . I couldn’t recall what is the kickstart for me to start doing a blog but i did remember that I was inspired by my of old friend ainaa Nadira. She is such a good and super duper talented writer that I still enjoying myself reading through her blog up until now. (I hope she read this haha). Blogging is kinda a reflection assignments which I used to do back in LLA class during my ASPI year but writing up a reflection is wayyyy to be tougher and tedious due to the fact it was so called an assigment sigh. However, through out this Reflection task, I seemed to see the importance in cogitate ourselves regularly in order to be a better individuals, even Islam itself urging the believers to muhasabah all the time so that we would seek for Allah's forgiveness daily- because human is just habitually a sinner, yet the best sinner is the one who seek for Allah's forgiveness. 😇 May Allah forgive us all. 

Right after getting hit by the sudden random question from my mum, I posted on my IG story whether I should start blogging back or not, you know, konon-konon nak luah perasaan gitu. haha. Literally, this was when I started to have an idea in mind to start writing up back again. What made me really touched, motivated and gave me an eminent push to start carving out this post was because suprisingly, I had received some responds from my readers that requested and encouraged me to update my blog T.T (just God know how overjoyed I was to received your DMs people). Deeply inside, I felt truly blessed, beyond than feeling appreciated that some of you acknowledge my efforts in writing and the way I express my thoughts even though some of them kadang macam krik-krik je. It was one of the happiest moment i would say cehh. Thank you, thank you and thank you to those who had given me an endless support, who secretly pray for me and those who had made me as one of their source of inspiration. Even though I don’t even think I deserve at all to be a paragon in any aspects especially in study, but I am  more than grateful be one. Just to let you know that each of you (readers) is like an impetus for me to moving forward, to perk up every single day and to do better in producing more and more write up that worth to be read. Alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah alhamdulillah, all praises shall be associated to Allah as He is the Ultimate Lord who granted me with the aptitude in writing a blog. I pray to Allah may He ease everything for my dearest readers, my juniors, my friends and the people who had been my life support through thick and thin, my family members. May every single word in this benefits the mankind and able to be sadaqah jariah for me whenever I passed away. 

The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said, "When a man dies, his deeds come to an end except for three things: Sadaqah Jariyah (ceaseless charity); a knowledge which is beneficial, or a virtuous descendant who prays for him (for the deceased)."

(HR Muslim)

I could not make a pinky promise to any of you to always update more often, but I promise that I would try to make some time to post something in here. Blogging is just part of my passion, just to let you know, I may not been posting anything like for the past one year or more, but frankly speaking, I had written so many things in the drafts, yet they were all ‘tergantung’ one. Hahaha. Each time I wanted to post something in my social account or write something in blog, I always questioned myself 

"Is this worth to be shared?" 

"Is this a useful knowledge?" 

"What do I expect by posting this?" 

Though sometimes I admit that many in time, my mind is in disremembrance regarding the surveillance of Allah, that He watch every single things I think and do, but, when the time I realised to the fact that Allah is observing me 24/7, I feel terrified, to do anything, I scared that I would be doing things that He do not pleased of, I scared that I would write something that leads to lagha. Nauzubillahiminzalik. - That's literally explain why sometimes, I tend to delete pictures or anything that I have posted before. But, I believe, blog itself can be another medium of dakwah isn't it? I love the hadiths saying that 'the best person is the one who benefits the humankind', it is like a motivation to be good to others, a sunnah that urge the muslim to be helpful to each other and be kind towards each other because after all, Islam is a religion that glorifying the peace. 

"May Allah guide me to write benefial and good things only, heee. Insyaallah"💞

أَخْبَرَنَا يَزِيدُ بْنُ سِنَانٍ، قَالَ حَدَّثَنَا عَبْدُ الرَّحْمَنِ، قَالَ أَنْبَأَنَا سُفْيَانُ، عَنْ أَبِي سِنَانٍ، عَنْ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ بْنِ أَبِي الْهُذَيْلِ، عَنْ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ بْنِ عَمْرٍو، أَنَّ النَّبِيَّ صلى الله عليه وسلم كَانَ يَتَعَوَّذُ مِنْ أَرْبَعٍ مِنْ عِلْمٍ لاَ يَنْفَعُ وَمِنْ قَلْبٍ لاَ يَخْشَعُ وَدُعَاءٍ لاَ يُسْمَعُ وَنَفْسٍ لاَ تَشْبَعُ

The Prophet [SAW] used to seek refuge (with Allah) from four things: From knowledge that is of no benefit, from a heart that does not feel humble, from a supplication that is not heard, and a soul that is never satisfied.

(Sunan An-Nasaie)